So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
