This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
3 2 1 whiskey
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize