I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
