Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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