I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
