forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
