We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
