I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
