hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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