So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
