It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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