i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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