i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
