Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
