Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
