So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
