I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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