I cockslap morals
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Let's get the cat blown out
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize