i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
