You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
