He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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