So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Found the puke drawer
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
