I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
