But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
