She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
