There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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