This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
