My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
