Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
