GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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