I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
