my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
this is an emotional support booty call
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
