wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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