By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
