Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
