so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Randomize
