You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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