She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Randomize
