Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
