Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
