He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
