but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I need a beard to bite.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
