I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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