it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
