Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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