she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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