You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
