sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
