Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
