i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
