Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize