I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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