Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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