You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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