come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
