wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
