It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
