WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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