Me too!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
