wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
