Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
