i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
