just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
