I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
