i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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