i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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