I will die if light touches me.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
