how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
