i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
