I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
