I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
