Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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