i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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