dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
