At least make sure they are 18
Why
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
