They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
