i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
