My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
